Programmer jokes

[Dru Lee Parsec]

Some American programmer's bring their software to the French. The French programmers look at it and say "Well, it looks good in practice, but how does it work in theory?"


OK, It's not a great joke but it's the only programmer joke I know. So what other programmer jokes are there? Let's let 'em rip.

[klamath]

You read the IBM article on Stackless Python + Vyper too? http://www.linuxnewbie.org/ubb/biggrin.gif

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- Klamath
Get my GnuPG Key Here (http://klamath.dyndns.org/mykey.asc)
Looking for an open source project to contribute to? Check out the BBB (http://bbb.sourceforge.net)

[Verbed]

Why do programmers often confuse Christmas with Halloween?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

[TaeShadow]

Did you hear about the programmer who was found dead in the shower? The instructions on the shampoo bottle said:

"Lather, rinse, repeat..."

[wmHardRock]

A programmer is driving t work:

"while distleft is different form zero, keep driving"
"if car[x-1] stops, then break;"
"switch (babeonsideoftheroad)
ugly: don't
break
nice: slow down
!break;
Hot : stop
unzip
touch
finger
etc.
break
Natalie Portman naked and petrified:
BREAK;"
"Read (whatIwant)
if (whatIwant==laugh)
read (Dr SuSE's stories)"

wmHardRock

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"Hi could you print my report please? My printer is broken here."
"What was your username again?"
# cd ~user
# grep 'gay' mbox > /etc/motd
# cat /dev/null > phd_final_report
# userdel user

"It's not there; probably due to electro-magnetic rains provoked by solar instability"

[Dru Lee Parsec]

A Pascal Programmer and a serious C/assembler programmer were discussing the inventor of the Pascal language, Nicholas Wirth.

Pascal guy: So, is it pronouced "Nee-ko-las Virth" or "Nickles Worth"?

C guy: It depends on if you're passing by reference or passing by value.


Com'on, there's got to be better ones out there (although I kind of like the Oct 31 = Dec 25 one) http://www.linuxnewbie.org/ubb/wink.gif

[Larkfellow]

Okay, here's one from Return To Zork... I'm surprized it wasn't mentioned already.

Q:"How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

A:"That's a hardware problem!"

[slambo]

Since we got onto the LBJs...

How many hardware techs does it take?

None! That's an application problem!

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Sean Lamb
"A day without laughter is a day wasted." -- Groucho Marx

[Dru Lee Parsec]

How many Microsoft employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just change the standard to "Dark".

[Glaurung]

This isn't a real joke, but it can be fun anyways to put these in someone's code:

#define main Main

for windows programmers: #define WM_PAINT WM_QUIT

#define [some_api_function] [some_other_api_function]

*(int *)WinMain=0;

etc etc.

[kmj]

Originally posted by Glaurung:
This isn't a real joke, but it can be fun anyways to put these in someone's code:
...
etc etc.

Along the same lines, put:

alias vi wine /mnt/dos/windows/notepad.exe

in someone's .bashrc

(modify as appropriate based on filesystem, preferred editor, and shell used....)

[tminos]

What does a fish saw when it hits a wall?
Dam!

[Dru Lee Parsec]

Pappy: "Boy I came home late last night and my wife hit the ceiling."

Bubba: "Was she mad?"

Pappy: "Nope, just a lousy shot."