Fortune Messages

[Satanic Atheist]

Just opened a console now and had this fortune message:

Q: How many IBM cpu's does it take to do a logical right shift?
A: 33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.

Anyone else had any good ones lately?

James

[psi42]

I remember seeing something like:

if u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb as a cmptr prgrmmr

:)

[Satanic Atheist]

Somehow I doubt we'll manage to get people to endlessly run "fortune" at the command prompt in the hope of finding something they find funny...

James

[carbon-12]

Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-- Leonard Brandwein

Schizophrenia beats being alone


Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off


Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost


In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and
make it better.






Meh not really funny, just wierd.

[Satanic Atheist]

Now hang-on. Who's been running fortune -o?

I can hear the mad scrabble to keyboards already.

Oh yes. Anyone got any good fortune files? The Futurama (can't be bothered declaring copyright but it belongs to Fox) one seems pretty good...

James

[raz0rblade]

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side and holds the universe together." :p

[bones996]

The difference between genius & stupidity is that genius has its limits :)

[psi42]

You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.

[rbrimhall]

The proof that IBM didn't invent the car is that it has a steering wheel
and an accelerator instead of spurs and ropes, to be compatible with a horse.
-- Jac Goudsmit

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
call it the target.

[pzengota]

6 oz. orange juice
1 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. Galliano
Harvey Wallbangers

[Satanic Atheist]

Another good one:

Q: What's tiny, yellow and very, very dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.

James

[raz0rblade]

Think big. Pollute the Mississippi.

[leonpmu]

Documentation is the castor oil of programming.
Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.

[Satanic Atheist]

Proposed Additions to the PDP-11 Instruction Set:

PI Punch Invalid
POPI Punch Operator Immediately
PVLC Punch Variable Length Card
RASC Read And Shred Card
RPM Read Programmers Mind
RSSC reduce speed, step carefully (for improved accuracy)
RTAB Rewind tape and break
RWDSK rewind disk
RWOC Read Writing On Card
SCRBL scribble to disk - faster than a write
SLC Search for Lost Chord
SPSW Scramble Program Status Word
SRSD Seek Record and Scar Disk
STROM Store in Read Only Memory
TDB Transfer and Drop Bit
WBT Water Binary Tree

James

[jrbishop79]

you see, these two penguins walk into a bar, which is stupid because you figure the second one would have seen it.

[agurish]

I eat Chinese food waaaay tooo often:


Many a false step is made by standing still.

Many possibilities are open to you, work a little harder.

Sing and rejoice, fortune is smiling on you.

Carve your name on your heart, and not on marble.

He who climbs a ladder must begin at the first step.

A new outlook brightens your image, and brings new friends.

Love is the only medicine for a broken heart.

You will never regret the present, you live to it's fullest.

Your love life will be happy and harmonious.

You make people realize that there exist other beauties in the world.

Your path is arduous, but will be amply rewarding.

A good home is happiness.

A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection.

You are open minded and quick to make new friends.

Someone you care about seeks reconciliation.

Your co-workers take pleasure in your great sense of creativity.

Nothing in the world is accomplished without passion.

Opportunities surround you if you know where to look.

Anyone who dares to be, can never be week.

Avoid taking unnecessary gambles.

Your example will inspire others.

It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.

Someone from your past has returned to steal your heart.

Don't wait for others to open the right doors for you.

The star of riches is shining upon you.

Your love life will be happy and harmonius.

Good news will be brought to you by mail.

A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month.

Failure is the mother of success.

Constant grinding can turn an iron rod into a needle.

[Trogdor]

"Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight."

Note: I got this one, and I got it again three fortunes later!

[Trogdor]

"
To be or not to be.
-- Shakespeare
To do is to be.
-- Nietzsche
To be is to do.
-- Sartre
Do be do be do.
-- Sinatra
"

" Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight. "

"Q: Why was Stonehenge abandoned?
A: It wasn't IBM compatible."

"In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made
school boards."
-- Mark Twain

"There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress."
-- Mark Twain

"That's all for now. I'm too tired."
-- TROGDOR!!

[Thrasher]

I didnt expect to see this come out of my SlackBox:

The real problem with f*cking a sheep is you have to walk around in front every time you want to kiss her.

EEK :eek:

[zmerlinz]

this one is funny

In most countries selling harmful things like drugs is punishable.
Then howcome people can sell Microsoft software and go unpunished?
(By hasku@rost.abo.fi, Hasse Skrifvars)

[Trogdor]

Originally posted by Thrasher
I didnt expect to see this come out of my SlackBox:

The real problem with f*cking a sheep is you have to walk around in front every time you want to kiss her.

EEK :eek:


Let me guess . . . you ran "fortune -o", right?